ISSUE #3 - 1988

Lou Reed -- New York,    Fuckin Sire
    Okay, see this guy used to know what he was doing with VU and shit, pumping out innerestin stuff that shaped a couple of generations of musicians. Then in the 70s he fucked Bowie in the ass and started going crazy cuz the brown stain wouldn't wash off the end of his dick, kinda like Lady Macbeth. So he'd wander into NY clubs fully raped on speed with his prick in his hand, crying bout how he hadn't meant to hurt Bangs' feelings and make him shoot all those people in that McDonald's. Even still, Lou was known to pump out the occasional tooter. In the late 70s and early 80s, Lou got high on life and started making commercials to put his two adopted Taiwanese sex slaves through college. Now looked upon as some sorta cultural icon (yeah, like Madonna), he gets record deals just so they can keep him off the street. People Magazine gave this a bad review and hey, I'd believe them.
   -Ed Sullivan

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